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Benefits of being queer
You know, I do think being queer has done wonders for my confidence. Not directly, but – one big thing is that I’m fat, which puts me outside of ~traditional beauty standards. I’m rarely self-conscious about this, but it is a thing, and certainly having put on weight over Christmas it’s a thing. And even outside of that, I occasionally worry that I won’t get to have a long-term relationship where someone’s all about my body and not like ‘her personality is cool, will take body with it’. And that’s even as someone who, ahem, does not particularly struggle to find partners for casual sex, whether friends or the odd true one-night-stand. Yet still, the worry!
But then I can think about all the fat/curvy women I have loved. The women who’re in my Top Five Most Attractive People I've Ever Seen, who make me go unf, who occasionally make it hard for me to concentrate on what they’re saying because I’m terrible. And my extremely sincere attraction to them helps a lot; I really think if I were straight I’d worry that people were being polite or ‘politically correct’ when they talked about attraction to fat female bodies. Because after all the “natural” thing, as media teaches us, is to only like slim women; the media is product of this, and not cause. *throws up* Or possibly I’d worry it was a weird fetish thing or something, a specific, objectifying obsession with fat bodies, because how could that attraction just be, in the same way attraction to slim women is?
But nope :D Not how it is at all, and I get to know that for sure, from being a person who likes women. I don’t have a specific ‘type’ with women: I like femme and butch and everything else, blondes, brunettes and redheads, and all shapes and sizes. And that verrrrry much includes women my size or larger.
(this post brought to you by briefly worrying that my pubic hair is too sparse and that since I just trim it should look like a proper healthy hippy bush. and then remembering I literally cannot imagine giving a single solitary shit about this if it was a sexual partner of mine)
But then I can think about all the fat/curvy women I have loved. The women who’re in my Top Five Most Attractive People I've Ever Seen, who make me go unf, who occasionally make it hard for me to concentrate on what they’re saying because I’m terrible. And my extremely sincere attraction to them helps a lot; I really think if I were straight I’d worry that people were being polite or ‘politically correct’ when they talked about attraction to fat female bodies. Because after all the “natural” thing, as media teaches us, is to only like slim women; the media is product of this, and not cause. *throws up* Or possibly I’d worry it was a weird fetish thing or something, a specific, objectifying obsession with fat bodies, because how could that attraction just be, in the same way attraction to slim women is?
But nope :D Not how it is at all, and I get to know that for sure, from being a person who likes women. I don’t have a specific ‘type’ with women: I like femme and butch and everything else, blondes, brunettes and redheads, and all shapes and sizes. And that verrrrry much includes women my size or larger.
(this post brought to you by briefly worrying that my pubic hair is too sparse and that since I just trim it should look like a proper healthy hippy bush. and then remembering I literally cannot imagine giving a single solitary shit about this if it was a sexual partner of mine)
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THIS. I think this is key. Especially because when I'm self-conscious (e.g. when I'm around family, generally!) I DO compare myself in ways I'm uncomfortable with and that aren't particularly sisterhood-ish. Hopefully I can get past that - but even if I can't, it's a huge relief that I don't do it with romantic/sexual partners and it doesn't occur to me to.
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I don’t have a specific ‘type’ with women: I like femme and butch and everything else, blondes, brunettes and redheads, and all shapes and sizes.
Same!!!
I certainly have issues around weight and food, but I have an average body type and have been pretty much all my life. I got some cruel mockery from family members for being chubby in comparison to a very slender sibling which made me self-conscious for years, but this obviously doesn't compare at all to what I can imagine someone goes through when subjected to fatphobia routinely. Thinking about body image and fatphobia made me realise that it was one of the ways I could be harsh and unfair to myself -- in ways I would never even consider being to others.
Anyway, nowadays I guess I'm considered outside beauty norms because I go out of my way to ensure I do: I absolutely loathe being catcalled and generally getting unwanted attention for my appearance (it's not just that I loathe it, actually; it might trigger me into dissociation, a panic attack, traumatic flashbacks, that kind of things). I love a lot of girly/femme things, but I hate the attention and familiarity that comes with it from a lot of people -- I've noticed that when I wear a flowery dress or pink sneakers people feel more entitled to talking to me and patronising me, so I just stopped altogether wearing most feminine-coded clothing in public because I just don't have the energy to deal with that shift. Realising that I found butch women, soft masc/hard fem people v attractive certainly helped in making steps that make me feel safer and happier with my appearance now. Having a buzzcut and never wearing make-up sometimes gets me weird looks or remarks, but compared to the unwanted attention I got when I had long hair and dressed more femme, it's a day at the beach.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts <3