H/D Holidays
Jan. 14th, 2013 06:05 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lokifanI want to thank you all, H/D flisties.
This year I got chucked out of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hd_holidays because the mods didn’t believe I could finish the fic in time. I had 10k, was a heavy chunk of the way through, and this was near the beginning of November. Needless to say, I disagreed with that assessment fairly strongly, but decided not to fight about it; they have a hard job, and I was too dispirited. So when the beginning of December came round, I kind of wanted to avoid my flist. Because I knew there’d be lots of hd_holidays squee and I just felt... this was my last chance to be part of that fest, that experience, after six years of being in this fandom, and I’d lost it - and not for reasons that I got. Last year it seemed harsh but I got it (they chucked me out having sent me my assignment already because they heard I’d flaked on fests before, which I absolutely had). This year just seemed... OTT. Particularly since (and I get that trust and past experience makes a huge difference, of course) I got my rejection email and saw a post on my flist gigglingly confessing to having almost no words for Hols on the same day. Nobody’s fault, but one hell of an ‘adding insult to injury’ moment.
This isn’t a bashing post, though - or isn’t meant to be. I just want to set the scene here, to show how disgruntled and sad and resentful and angry and left-out I was feeling when December came round. And annoyed too because the request was hard and I had a FUCKING AWESOME idea okay. Like, I doubt the execution lives up to it? But the idea is awesome and has loads of ways to stick in things my recipient said she liked, so.
I will finish and post it, by the way, even though the audience will obviously be a tiny fraction of what it would be for Hols, not least because I imagine people who’ve mostly left HP fandom will stick check out Hols. Because I still like the idea a lot. I am just feeling too bruised about it right now.
ANYWAY. Sorry, this isn’t meant to be bashing. Part of the reason I didn’t post about it before or during the fest was that I didn’t want to spoil the glow of hols or cause pre-fest wank. I don’t think complaining or talking about fandom stuff that distresses you is inherently wank-causing, and if it was people would still be perfectly within their rights to post about it. But pre-fest wank is kind of more stressful than normal wank, and Hols has so many huge fans and huge detractors. Plus, you know, that was my first month at a new job and in a new country. I was tired, the mods of course were tired, everyone was stressed. Recipe for unnecessary hurt and snapping.
But I really want to talk about it now - both because it was a memorable Thing for me in fandom, that sadness and anger, and because you guys turned it around for me. <3
I am always going to remember losing my last chance at writing for Hols unnecessarily - causing bonus stress for the mods and a pinch-hitter of course. But on the fourth of December I told myself that there was undoubtedly great fic being posted. That was not enough to motivate me.
What was, is that - I truly, passionately believe that commenters and readers are as vital a part of our community as writers and artists. That reccing is brilliant and vital. That conversation in the comments is as big a part of fandom experience as posting. So I decided to try to still be a part of the last![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hd_holidays. Hoping that the left-out feeling would subside if I just found a different way to be a part of it; hoping that this year’s fest could still be a good memory.
Which has totally come to pass, and all thanks to you guys.
Because I’ve been reading along, and some fantastic fic and art has been posted, of course. I have laughed and wibbled and thought and got tingles in my ladyparts. But that on its own wouldn’t have been enough. What’s transformed the experience for me, so that ‘hd_holidays 2012’ will be tagged ‘fun’ and ‘cool’ and ‘warm-fuzzies-inducing’ in my head, is leaving the comments and reccing the stuff and talking to you about it. Sharing the squee. Discussing the characterisation. Sending links to friends or reading the insta-recs that spring up all over the place during fest season or capslocking in IM. In the end, it’s been wonderful.
So thank you all, darlings. It’s been my Christmas gift from you.
♥
This year I got chucked out of
hd_holidays because the mods didn’t believe I could finish the fic in time. I had 10k, was a heavy chunk of the way through, and this was near the beginning of November. Needless to say, I disagreed with that assessment fairly strongly, but decided not to fight about it; they have a hard job, and I was too dispirited. So when the beginning of December came round, I kind of wanted to avoid my flist. Because I knew there’d be lots of hd_holidays squee and I just felt... this was my last chance to be part of that fest, that experience, after six years of being in this fandom, and I’d lost it - and not for reasons that I got. Last year it seemed harsh but I got it (they chucked me out having sent me my assignment already because they heard I’d flaked on fests before, which I absolutely had). This year just seemed... OTT. Particularly since (and I get that trust and past experience makes a huge difference, of course) I got my rejection email and saw a post on my flist gigglingly confessing to having almost no words for Hols on the same day. Nobody’s fault, but one hell of an ‘adding insult to injury’ moment.This isn’t a bashing post, though - or isn’t meant to be. I just want to set the scene here, to show how disgruntled and sad and resentful and angry and left-out I was feeling when December came round. And annoyed too because the request was hard and I had a FUCKING AWESOME idea okay. Like, I doubt the execution lives up to it? But the idea is awesome and has loads of ways to stick in things my recipient said she liked, so.
I will finish and post it, by the way, even though the audience will obviously be a tiny fraction of what it would be for Hols, not least because I imagine people who’ve mostly left HP fandom will stick check out Hols. Because I still like the idea a lot. I am just feeling too bruised about it right now.
ANYWAY. Sorry, this isn’t meant to be bashing. Part of the reason I didn’t post about it before or during the fest was that I didn’t want to spoil the glow of hols or cause pre-fest wank. I don’t think complaining or talking about fandom stuff that distresses you is inherently wank-causing, and if it was people would still be perfectly within their rights to post about it. But pre-fest wank is kind of more stressful than normal wank, and Hols has so many huge fans and huge detractors. Plus, you know, that was my first month at a new job and in a new country. I was tired, the mods of course were tired, everyone was stressed. Recipe for unnecessary hurt and snapping.
But I really want to talk about it now - both because it was a memorable Thing for me in fandom, that sadness and anger, and because you guys turned it around for me. <3
I am always going to remember losing my last chance at writing for Hols unnecessarily - causing bonus stress for the mods and a pinch-hitter of course. But on the fourth of December I told myself that there was undoubtedly great fic being posted. That was not enough to motivate me.
What was, is that - I truly, passionately believe that commenters and readers are as vital a part of our community as writers and artists. That reccing is brilliant and vital. That conversation in the comments is as big a part of fandom experience as posting. So I decided to try to still be a part of the last
hd_holidays. Hoping that the left-out feeling would subside if I just found a different way to be a part of it; hoping that this year’s fest could still be a good memory.Which has totally come to pass, and all thanks to you guys.
Because I’ve been reading along, and some fantastic fic and art has been posted, of course. I have laughed and wibbled and thought and got tingles in my ladyparts. But that on its own wouldn’t have been enough. What’s transformed the experience for me, so that ‘
hd_holidays 2012’ will be tagged ‘fun’ and ‘cool’ and ‘warm-fuzzies-inducing’ in my head, is leaving the comments and reccing the stuff and talking to you about it. Sharing the squee. Discussing the characterisation. Sending links to friends or reading the insta-recs that spring up all over the place during fest season or capslocking in IM. In the end, it’s been wonderful.So thank you all, darlings. It’s been my Christmas gift from you.
♥
