Nightmare Pairing Pledge

[lokifan]

So, it turns out being a week behind on the flist won’t stop me finding your entries and doing terrible things to them. (To whit, writing Dobby/Draco poetry.) mctabby invented a very cool meme. Go play!

Nightmare Pairing Pledge For HP
I, lokifan, do solemnly swear that my favorite character is Narcissa Malfoy and my least favorite character is Forge (they count as one character!). The mere thought of them doing naughty things together makes me whimper. However... given sufficient crack and an infinite number of monkeys, here’s how a Narcissa/Fred/George shag might happen (though I sincerely hope it never does, and if it does, I just don’t want to know).

Necessary plot device or deus ex machina: Voldemort-wins-and-the-good-guys-become-slaves, I should think.
Who makes the first move: The twins. They make really inappropriate, leery comments at the lady of the house, Lucius snarls and Narcissa sweetly tells him that she’ll deal with the boys.
Positions and/or kinks: D/s; collars and leashes; twins, obviously. Freckled cocks.
Afterglow: Narcissa smirks and says that perhaps she’s found how they can be of use. Fred and George smirk at this, that they’ll be servicing this very beautiful woman, maybe getting to fuck Lucius Malfoy’s wife. Narcissa smiles at them, puts on a sheer dressing gown, leaves - and comes back with Rodolphus Lestrange and Fenrir Greyback. “They're terribly useful... have fun.”
Would I actually read or write this? Yes. Because Narcissa putting the smackdown on those little bastards would make me happy, especially if Lucius came in halfway through. And my equally-favourite character - more-favourite, most days, but I’m feelin’ Narcissa right now - is Draco, and I’ve read Fred/Draco/George. And loved it. Yes, even though it was dub-con and they made Draco cry. *is sadistic fan*

Comments

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

I would so totally read that.

Also, I can't do this meme because I like pairing my favourite characters with my least favourite characters. ;P

[lokifan]

You'd read a fic with a gorgeous Slytherin domme and two mouthy subs? This is my shocked face. Do you see how shocked it is? ;

Who're your least favourites, then? Fenrir, I suppose - but don't you like both Harry and Bellatrix? (I must admit I associate you mostly with Bellatrix/Harry and Fenrir/Draco, even though your Harry/Draco is both delicious and lovely.)

[melusinahp.livejournal.com]

Lol. I find myself trying to explain this quite often. ;P

I don't actually like or admire Bellatrix. She's a psychotic minion who kills her own cousin. I find her a useful character to write in combination with the characters I actually love seeing tortured.

Hee. I'd say Umbridge or the Dementors are my least favourite characters. And even then I like to pair them up with Harry and/or Draco. :D

I'm much more squicked by the idea of Harry/Hermione or Ron/Luna, because those pairings just don't work for me psychologically.

[lokifan]

Ahh. Your explanation does clear some things up! Although I could more-or-less understand liking Bellatrix, you know. I like characters best when they're whiney and morally ambiguous, you know. *pets Draco* But I totally see liking her usefulness. And don't worry, we're all sadists-who-like-making-our-favourites-cry here. :D

I'd say Umbridge or the Dementors are my least favourite characters. And even then I like to pair them up with Harry and/or Draco.

EUGGHH WHAT. No Umbridge sex! No sex for Umbridge! Eugggh.

Yeah, I'd rather read/write pairings with least-favourite characters than ones that just break my brain, too. You know I sometimes hate Ron and sometimes love him, and the Ron of Unforgivable had all Ron's worst traits at the forefront. I think one of these days I'll write Fred/Draco/George too. Heh.

Sadistic Writers Forever!

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

D: *LIKES FORGE* Though, with Cissy? Eugh. D:

I LIKE THE PREMISE BUT WOULD BE TOO SCARED TO READ IT.

..ALSO YOU JUST LIKE BOTTOM!DRACO. >| Poor Draco. D: Being bullied all the time by Becky.

[lokifan]

FORGE ARE HORRIBLE, BULLYING BASTARDS. DEATH TO FORGE!

Heeee. Cissy would pwn their freckled arses. :D

And yeah, you would totally be scared away. Although if I wrote it, I'd totally let Fred and George enjoy it, just for the sake of horrifying them when they got handed over to Fenrir at the end. *is evil*

And yes, it's true. Poor, poor Draco. I am bad, mean writer. :D And you love it. I'll just have to make it up to him by writing more Harry/Draco. After all, my OTP has bottom!Draco, but he gets a mushy top who indulges him.

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

WHHYYYYYYYYYYY THEY ARE AWESOME. I pretty much like the whole twins & jesters of them. x) I HALF BLAME THE MOVIES FOR THE TWIN LOVEAGE.

She would. D: I'd be expecting hardcore D/s and S&M and bloodplay and all that good sick stuff. XD Lol! OMG. You do hate Forge. D: WHY.

XD ONLY WHEN HE GETS A HAPPY ENDING. *bricks you* :D I agree with your plan. <3

[lokifan]

The twins are NOT awesome! They're 'jesters' all right, but jesters are supposed to mock the king, or whoever's in power. The twins mocked those lacking in power. They booed an ickle firstie who'd just been sorted into Slytherin! They made fun of a younger kid (Draco) who was scared of Dementors! They NEARLY KILLED MONTAGUE BECAUSE HE DARED TO TAKE HOUSE POINTS! They are horrible little would-be anarchists who deserve no admiration at all!!!

*breathes*

I'd be expecting hardcore D/s and S&M and bloodplay and all that good sick stuff.

Maybe, but I'd write Narcissa as being all about D/s, but really subtly, and making them think they wanted to service her. Also, she wouldn't let them come. *cackles*

*ducks brick* Okay, okay, damnit. Happy ending.

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

Hm. I don't remember all that. Considering the last thing I remember about the twins was them joking around after becoming Harry Potters and George's missing ear and dead Fred, I still like them. 8D
'Sides, they're pretty in the movie. x)

XDDD! Hm. That does seem more elegant and lady-like.
Torture devices are still needed, though. Maybe just for restraint. 8D Like an open Iron Maiden! Or something.

: DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT. <3

[lokifan]

Hm. I don't remember all that.

LOL. Yes, I have the memory of an elephant and the body of one but only as far as books and poetry go! And they are pretty, I have to admit.

That does seem more elegant and lady-like.
Torture devices are still needed, though. Maybe just for restraint. 8D Like an open Iron Maiden! Or something.

Yes, Narcissa would be elegant and ladylike as she topped the twins! Unlike crazy Bella. Look at you pretending to be coy with the torture devices! You're all "nasty Becky" but you want an Iron Maiden involved?!

Btw, there would be nasty cockrings. :D

And - er - I hate to destroy a happyface that happy, but the fic I'm writing now has a Draco who ends the fic... somewhat less than pleased. But I write happy endings sometimes!

[koishii-hime.livejournal.com]

XDDD You are indeed awesome. :D Very pretty. Movie!Forge are more fun.

TORTURE DEVICES ARE PRACTICALLY SYNONYMOUS WITH MALFOY. D: 'sides, open Iron Maidens do nothing. D< Nasty cockrings do. D: HOW NASTY ARE WE TALKING AGAIN?

DDDD: YOU'RE WORSE THAN ROWLING. As long as he doesn't have hairloss. D: I MEAN. HOW COULD YOU GIVE HIM HAIRLOSS. LOOK AT FREAKING LUCIUS. MAKES NO SENSE GENETICALLY WHATSOEVER. XD

[lokifan]

The cockrings wouldn't be too nasty. No permanent damage... but tight enough to hurt and she'd make them wank for her benefit, knowing they wouldn't be allowed to come. :D

And there will be no hair loss! I actually have a whole theory about that, considering how important hair is in the Potterverse. She wanted to make him impotent, and it's one of those visual jokes she's into. *glares and hugs Draco* He is still attractive!! The Draco fangirls shall not be thwarted!

Male pattern baldness is descended through the female line, though: Cissy's father would have been thinning on top, too.

[kuri-taichou.livejournal.com]

That threesome is kinda bizarrely hot... (And the idea of Narcissa, Lucius, Draco, Fred, George, Rodolphus and Fenrir all in one huge orgy is like...woah.)
Although I simple can't understand how anyone could dislike the twins... Though I suppose I'm such a huge Weasley fan that I even like Percy sometimes. XD

[lokifan]

The twins are nasty bullies, that's why. The Montague thing put them beyond hope of redemption in my eyes. He dared to take house points so they stuck him in a Vanishing Cabinet?! He could have died! The fact that he didn't is down to his own luck and skill! BAD, BAD TWINS.

That threesome is totally hot. *nods smugly*

the idea of Narcissa, Lucius, Draco, Fred, George, Rodolphus and Fenrir all in one huge orgy is like...woah.

LOL. I'm so tempted to write it now, purely to fuck with people's heads.

[kuri-taichou.livejournal.com]

LOL. I'm so tempted to write it now, purely to fuck with people's heads.

DO IT LOKIFAN. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO. (or maybe I just want you to... =P)